Use the Power of Intention for Critical Conversations
/
As consultants, our ability to communicate effectively is vital to our success. Whether you’re meeting a potential client for the first time or you have to deliver some difficult feedback, it’s hard to over prepare. That said, I suspect most of us don’t do enough preparation for these important conversations. Sure, we may jot down our key points or put together a flawless presentation, but have we prepared our brains to seek the outcomes we desire?
Early in my career, I did an intensive multi-day workshop called “The Power of Intention.” Although I don’t remember most of it, I still use this one process before any important conversation or presentation. I call it “the big ears diagram” because that’s what it looks like when you’re done and it makes it easy to remember. Here’s how you can use it to increase the likelihood of achieving your desired outcomes.
Steps:
List your objective(s). For example, “I want the client to ask me to submit a written proposal,” or “I want the client to understand why I need to step away from this project and how I can help him find someone else to do the work.”
Draw the first arcing arrow left to right, as illustrated in the diagram. This arc represents how you want to perceive the other person in this conversation. I usually write things like “I perceive Joe to be reasonable, calm, levelheaded, and a good listener. He’s disappointed but not angry. In fact, he can even see how this will likely lead to a better overall outcome.” Use the present tense when you write your notes. Don’t write that you want to perceive something; write it like you already do.
Draw the second arcing arrow from the right to the left. (The jawbone of the diagram.) How do you want them to perceive you?
Draw the left ear. How do you want to perceive yourself? To me, this is the most important step because it will influence how I present myself. My notes for this part usually say something like “I perceive myself to be calm, well-organized, articulate, and professional. I know I am well-prepared and I’m confident that what I’m proposing is the right thing for both of us.”
Draw the right ear. How do you want the other people in the conversation to perceive themselves? You might think you have no control over this — indeed you don’t — but you can certainly influence the other person’s perceptions through your words, body language and other non-verbal cues. “Joe perceives himself as a good leader and a reasonable person. He knows he is often the most levelheaded person in any stressful situation. He feels respected and he appreciates candid conversations.”
That’s it! Don’t over-think it. I usually only spend about five minutes doing this process and am still amazed at its results. Sometimes, at the end of a conversation the person I’ve been talking with will actually say one or two of the words that I had jotted down as part of my prep. For instance, once a client said to me, “I’m so glad you brought this to my attention, especially in such a clear and candid way.” I had literally written “clear” and “candid” in my diagram notes prior to the meeting!
I don’t know why it works, but our brains are incredibly powerful, especially our subconscious mind. Make sure you’re doing everything you can to have it working for you when you’re facing a critical conversation.
#winthework #beconfident
PS: For future reference, you can download the Big Ears Diagram Cheat Sheet here.
